i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
