census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
