Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
