I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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