is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
