Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
