Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
