Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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