Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
