Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
