So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
