Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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