I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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