the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
