I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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