There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
