Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have fence marks all over my body
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
