Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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