just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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