Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
