I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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