I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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