I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
