I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
