just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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