everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
