found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Couch. On fire.
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