If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
