Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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