Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
