maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
