Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
