Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
