This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
