"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
