Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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