I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
