Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
