we have pet lesbian snakes
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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