just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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