I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
