He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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