Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
