Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
