I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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