it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
