every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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