I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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