Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
