it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
